Quantum Mechanix

Sometimes it's good to sweat the small stuff

Saturday, July 15, 2006

It's been so long....

I wanted to post this article from the LA Weekly which is a round-table discussion on literature and music with the likes of Rick Moody, Jonathan Lentham, and my favorite indie-folk singer John Darnielle (of The Mountain Goats). It's a must-read!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A video and a poem

I wanted to post another YouTube video of Noam Chomsky debating Michel Foucault. But I warn you that if you watch it, no matter what your level of education may be, you will feel really stupid by comparison to these two fuckin' geniuses.


And now -- a poem by James Merrill:

AN URBAN CONVALESENCE

Out for a walk, after a week in bed,
I find them tearing up part of my block
And, chilled through, dazed and lonely, join the dozen
In meek attitudes, watching a huge crane
Fumble luxuriously in the filth of years.
Her jaws dribble rubble. An old man
Laughs and curses in her brain,
Bringing to mind the close of The White Goddess.
As usual in New York, everything is torn down
Before you have had time to care for it.
Head bowed, at the shrine of noise, let me try to recall
What building stood here. Was there a building at all?
I have lived here on the same street for a decade.

Wait. Yes. Vaguely a presence rises
Some five floors high, of shabby stone
—Or am I confusing it with another one
In another part of twon, or of the world?—
And over its lintel into focus vaguely
Misted with blood (my eyes are shut)
A single garland sways, stone fruit, stone leaves,
Which years of grit had etched until it thrust
Roots down, even into the poor soil of my seeing.
When did the garland become part of me?
I ask myself, amused almost,
Then shiver once from head to toe,

Transfixed by a particular cheap engraving of garlands
Bought for a few francs long ago,
All calligraphic tendril and cross-hatched rondure,
Ten years ago, and crumpled up to to stanch
Boughs dripping, whose white gestures filled a cab,
And thought of neither then nor since.
Also, to clasp them, the small, red-nailed hand
Of no one I can place. Wait. No. Her name, her features
Lie toppled underneath that year's fashions.
The words she must have spoken, setting her face
To fluttering like a veil, I cannot hear now.
Let alone understand.

So that I am already on the stair,
As it were, of where I lived,
When the whole structure shudders at my tread
And soundlessly collapses, filling
The air with motes of stone.
Onto the still erect building next door
Are pressed levels and hues—
Pocked rose, streaked greens, brown whites.
Who drained the pousse-café?
Wires and pipes, snapped off at the roots, quiver.
Well, that is what life does. I stare
A moment longer, so. And presently
The massive volume of the world.
Closes again.

Upon that book I swear
To abide by what it teaches:
Gospels of ugliness and waste,
Of towering voids, of soiled gusts,
Of a shrieking to be faced
Full into, eyes astream with cold—

With cold?
All right then. With self-knowledge.

Indoors at last, the pages of Time are apt
To open, and the illustrated mayor of New York,
Given a glimpse of how and where I work,
To note yet one more house that can be scrapped.

Unwillingly I picture
My walls weathering in the general view.
It is not even as though the new
Buildings did very much for architecture.

Suppose they did. The sickness of our time requires
That these as well be blasted in their prime.
You would think the simple fact of having lasted
Threatened our cities like mysterious fires.

There are certain phrases which to use in a poem
Is like rubbing silver with quicksilver. Bright
But facile, the glamour deadens overnight.
For instance, how “the sickness of our time”

Enhances, then debases, what I feel.
At my desk I swallow in a glass of water
No longer cordial, scarcely wet, a pill
They had told me not to take until much later.

With the result that back into my imagination
The city glides, like cities seen from the air,
Mere smoke and sparkle to the passenger
Having in mind another destination

Which now is not that honey-slow descent
Of the Champs-Elysées, her hand in his,
But the dull need to make some kind of house
Out of the life lived, out of the love spent.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Better living through chemistry

As of late I have been prescribed a couple new medications for General Anxiety Disorder, or as I like to call it, my artistic temperament. But as helpful to my creative endeavors as they are, my constant emotional rollercoaster rides (for lack of a better metaphor) provide a plethora of social problems that, I fear, could alienate many of the people that I hold most dear to me.

Psychiatrists are a shady bunch, to say the least. I had never visited the office of one until about six weeks ago. Upon entering the Saluda Center for Mental Health here in Rock Hill, the first thing that I noticed was a bookshelf full of promotional literature for various psychoactive drugs. Each corporation that together form that dreaded monolith "Big Pharma" was represented, and each were hocking their supposedly life-changing pills and concoctions. What was most disturbing about all of this was the obvious attention paid to advertising aesthetics. Every brochure was appealing to the eye, too appealing. I found myself drawn to pamphlets (for conditions that I was in no way at risk for) by post-modern and minimalist artistry, including one for bipolar disorder with a very interesting neo-expressionist piece on the cover (think Franz Kline having a manic episode). And due to the embarrassingly poor magazine collection the institute had massed over the years, I had no choice but to indulge my need for constant intellectual stimulation by reading about drugs. Once I picked out the most attractive bunch, I settled down into a corduroy sofa and began to study.

What I found inside the sleekest of the ads is worthy only of the word charlatanry. I felt like I was transported back to the streets of Gilded Age Chicago or New York. You know, that wonderful time in American history before such silly organizations as the FDA put the kibash on the lucrative practice of street-side witch-doctoring. The brochure for Ambien (made famous by everyone's favorite intoxicated congressman Patrick Kennedy), for example, immediately informed me that if I had ever experienced a night of constant tossing and turning, I might very well have a sleep disorder, in which case I would be the perfect candidate for their product. It seemed as if these drugs were picking me as a user, instead of vice-versa. And it was almost flattering. "The perfect candidate? Aw, shucks guys!" Thank god my reading was disrupted by my actual appointment. On the way out of the waiting room I grabbed a tissue out of a box emblazoned with the Ambien logo and some photographs of very sedate, but happy, individuals.

psychiatry appointments aren't very long, and should never be used as an alternative to the cognitive therapy sessions offered by psychologists, those crazy folks with actual degrees in psychology and not just doctors who took a few psychoanalysis and bio-psych classes during the last semester of medical school, but I digress. I was told upon entering Dr. Aking's (I believe she's from India) office that we would only have twenty minutes to chat and that we had a lot to get through. Thus began the interview. I was grilled about every aspect of my life. However, the interrogation seemed way too superficial to me. Every topic was touched upon, but only for a few moments.

Admittedly, the most lengthy aspect of our discussion revolved around my recreational drug use. I confessed to her my love affair for cannabis sativa, at which point she sternly relayed to me that I would die within the next five years of my life if I did not quit. I sat staring at her for an awkward 30 seconds before she turned to her prescription pad to scribble down the name of my long-awaited cure for coping with life. It turned out to be called Effexor, a drug so new that there won't be a generic version of it until 2017. And that's when I realized what Ms. Aking really was -- nothing more than a pusher for the pharmaceutical industry. I didn't want to entrust the future of my mental health to a person who would dole out a drug that has been party to no research concerning long-term effects, but would have the gall to tell me that pot will end my life early. I got her to give me a two-weeks free sample of Effexor so I didn't have to pay if it ended up not agreeing with me.

Moral of the story: Psychological disorders like anxiety and depression were invented by major corporations to sell us drugs. But I'm a child of the internet age, I just want to feel normal again as soon as possible. If the drug helps, so be it.

Read my friend's blog. . . or suffer the consequences! (Which include a profound sense of despair and a strange inkling that you will never be whole again.) Toodles!